If you're having trouble deciding if your friends are worth keeping or not, try writing a hypothetical, not-to-be-published classified ad as if you were seeking all new friends. What would you be looking for? What traits would you specify not wanting? Don't get ridiculously, no-one-would-fit-this-bill specific, the goal is to make sure you have quality, compatible people in your life...not isolate yourself completely. This exercise also helps you figure out what you bring to the table in terms of quality and compatibility; arguably this is even more important. SO mine would go something like this:
Vegan bibliophiliac lesbian with a passion for anything European or vintage seeks interesting, kind GLBT-loving friends for spontaneous adventures, long talks about nothing, and lots of laughter. I am loyal, intelligent, and incredibly loving; the kind of friend you can tell anything too, the kind of person who helps old ladies cross the road and brakes for animals. That being said, I am still full of laughter and adventure and am seeking friends of the same ilk; kind but kooky, smart but silly, compassionately passionate. I will bake you cookies if you front dinner, and I will always let you look through things I need rid of before I sell them. E-mail me back using your favorite band as the subject line; even if I hate them, I just make make you art/postcards/etc. with their lyrics embedded. Who knows?
The ad opens with what I put out into the atmosphere as being interested in. The second part states what is the most important to me to in other people and what I actually bring to the table. The final parts break the ice further and act as a blueprint for how the friendship would ideally play out. It leaves a lot open to interpretation, but the most important things would be there. Now...go back and look over it. This is the hard part. Are your friends accepting of the things you like (notice it's not mandatory that they like them, only that they partially make up who you are)? Are they the kind of friend and person you want to be around? Are you putting the things into the relationships that you claim? Are they reciprocating? If you answered no to very many of these questions...it may be time to shop for new friends.
Wishing you each people in your lives that bring you peace, passion, and love.
P.S. Feel free to leave your own ad in the comment section!
P.P.S. Special shout outs to my friends who I know for a fact read my blog and fit this bill You know who you are.
I would like to submit my resume please yes?
ReplyDeleteSubject Line - The Killers/Maroon 5 (because it really is a tie, I cannot choose between them)
Giantess with a passion for writing seeks friends who are compassionate and fun, enjoy adventure, nummy foods, and are willing to be admonished to "not party too hard." Should you choose to be my friend, know that I will always have your back. I am fiercely loyal, sometimes to a fault, but I love everyone in my life with all my heart. I will be your biggest cheerleader. You have a dream? Then GO FOR IT! I laugh often and loudly, and I like to quote funny movies and TV shows. I kind of have my own language, but you'll catch on fast.
Please to be letting me know if I make the cut.