Love and Hate

So over at Mixed Blood Theater we are rockin' out Avenue Q through May 1st (you should all come!)and when I decided to tie my "Something You Love" and "Something You Hate" blogs together, the first that popped into my head was Christmas Eve crooning "Love, and hate...they like to brothers, who go on a date"...and it amused.

Anyway, back to posting about something I love and something I hate! The thing I hate the most right now is all of the damn intolerance and bigotry in the world. I mostly focus on GLBT and women's activism, but know that bigotry of all types bothers me. Right now in the GLBT community, bigotry is flying at us from all corners; governments, companies, individuals. It's very disheartening and enough to make a girl get a little down. The thing I love however, is how vocal and loving the GLBT community and allies are, how willing some people are to accept everyone as they are. What I love even more is the moments when this community of queers and allies comes together and creates something beautiful.

The picture I've chosen to represent both what I love and hate is a picture of a project I spearheaded for my alma mater's gay straight alliance. We took a piece of plywood, a large piece, and for day one we spray painted all the terrible names that GLBT people get called every single day. We set it up in the atrium, and set out a book for people to sign upon viewing. Reactions were strong and mixed. A few people GOT it, really got it. Most people were confused. A few people were predictably pissed off. The next day we went back and painted the word "Human" over it, as you can see. Again, results were mixed. People weren't really confused anymore, but people on every side of the fence thought a million different things. We stood by it, and to this day our proud of it. To our GSA it represented that there should be a very basic, unifying thing in all of us. Here's a picture of the completed "wall." I didn't say a lot about it because I think it speaks for itself and I do want people to make their own conclusions.




To me this picture represents a time when I tried to inspire peace, followed a passion, and live a life of love. Wishing those things to you and hoping you a wonderful evening.

The Beatles, Naps, and Soy Lattes

I have had a pretty bad week, blog fans. It has been really hard to summon up my Thursday Thanks. I am always grateful for the things and people in my life, but everyone has bad days and summoning up positivity on some days is a little tricky, even for me. Still, I have devoted myself to inspiring peace, living my passions, and celebrating love, and I am here to do that by giving thanks for the things that have gotten me through the week.

~Beatles songs. In 26 years, I have never been let down by Paul, George, or John. And I suppose in the context of The Beatles, I have never been let down by Ringo either.~

~Living right by Baja Sol and Caribou Coffee. Although my bank account is probably less grateful for this than I am~

~Websites that promote Gadfly that didn't even tell us they were doing it! This happens the most with play submissions, people will e-mail us and say "I saw your ad on ____)," and I will be floored, as I had no idea.~

~Similarly, people who say "Oh, yeah, I've heard good things about you guys," and again, I am floored that people are saying good things that I haven't heard them say!~

~Writing workshop days with the roomie~

~Naps. OH, and big, fluffy blankets.~

~Friends who can troubleshoot computer viruses via Instant Messenger~

~Bad weeks. Seems counter-intuitive if I'm all about happiness, but they make me appreciate what I have on good weeks even more~

~Being able to stand on my own two feet without selling out. I could say a lot more about this, but I'll leave it at that.~

I'm honestly spent you guys. I do love you all and hope that things are going well. Until next time, I wish you peace, passion, and love.

Because Separating the Next Two Days Would Be Redundant

Days 9 and 10 are respectably, "A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most" and "The person you do the silliest things with." For me, the answer to both of those questions is my best friend, roommate, and business partner Immanuel Elliott. I do not want to belittle anyone that was in my life before him, because I have always been very lucky to have good people in my life. I have only known him for 7 years or so...but a lot of really traumatic or potentially-traumatic things have happened in that time. He has also been the most consistently there-for-me person. There are certain people I know I can go to for certain things, but I know he will be there for me through anything. And vice-versa.

I hate getting too mushy on the internet, so I also want to point out that we do the absolute silliest things together. I think all best friends do; every set I've met practically has their own language rich with inside jokes and seemingly nonsense-sounds, and we are no exception. And after seven years, it practically qualifies as our actual first language in place of English. The picture I chose to represent both days 9 and 10 shows how silly we are; I don't even know what we were thinking when we snapped it.

So there you go, the next two days, a little early as I am busy most of tomorrow and I have some regular blog columns to post in the next couple of days as well.

So cheers to you and your own bestie. I hope they are the type of person, who like my BFF, inspires only peace, passion, and love within you and your life.

A Picture That Makes Me Laugh

That's today's photo challenge, and quite honestly, there are too many to choose from. I ended up choosing this one of Ginger and I, just because it makes me crack up every time. Plus we look so young, that that along entertains me. I'm pretty sure that in this picture we were goofing off in the lobby of the Asheville Community Theatre. The expressions on our face combined with the recall of memories it brings is guaranteed to make me smile!

Peace, passion, and love.

THREE in ONE

I have really dropped the ball on this thirty days of procrastination (cough, cough), AHEM, photos, project. I was really busy all weekend either working the box office for Mixed Blood or you know, throwing up and cursing my ovaries for the PCOS. But I'm back now. I got a fair amount of things accomplished for Gadfly (including e-mails with one of my idols, whose show I may be doing next year. Details on that later.) and am about to dive into some writing projects, but first, I figured I'd take a few minutes to update.

Day 5's Photo Project was a picture of your favorite memory. I have a lot that are really personal to delve into and would be hard to find photos representing anyway. One day that marked a huge personal and professional triumph for me was the day Gadfly officially became incorporated with the state of Minnesota. I was going to be fancy and take a picture of the certificate and blah blah blah, but have instead chosen to put up this preliminary PR shot for Suburban Redux. The poses are about what we want but we want to get exact props, better lighting, and some sort of costuming for the official. But enjoy this outtake, meant to pique interest and for the purposes of this blog, celebrate the day my dream started to become a reality:


Day 6 want me to put up a picture of someone I want to trade places with for a day. This one gave me some trouble, as I love myself and my life...my only real complaints are that I want more money for myself and Gadfly, and would like to one day be in a relationship with a mature woman who knows what she wants in life. Beyond that, I am actually really happy most of the time. BUT we all know that I am a huge Maggie Gyllenhaal fan. So if I could trade places with anyone for a day, it would, beyond a shadow of a doubt be Peter Sarsgaard, Maggie Gyllenhaal's husband, and beautiful actor and director in his own right.



This brings us current, to today, Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item. This one, I did not have to think very long or hard about. Since I was in the crib, I have slept with my stuffed "angel bunny" every night, more or less. When I travel I don't take him for fear of losing him. He keeps my bedroom safe while I'm away. A couple of years ago, he became even more meaningful to me for reasons I care not to disclose. It is embarrasing how beat up and gray he looks, so instead of taking one of him in his current state, I scoured (and I mean scoured) the freakin' internet to find a picture of how he would have looked in his glory days. You know, when I was seven, and he was an appropriate companion. Isn't he cute?



Until next time (which is you know, tomorrow-in theory), I wish you peace, passion, and love.

Photo Challenge Day 4: Something You Wish You Could Forget

Okay, so this blog entry gave me a lot of trouble. A lot. I don't care that I've been hurt in the past; why dwell on negativity? Not to mention every awful thing I have been through has made me stronger, scrappier, more independent, more intelligent, more forgiving, more appreciative of what I have, etc. etc. So once any personal memory of pain was off the table, I thought to myself "what about all of the pain and hate in the world, do I want to forget that?" But I can not and do not want to forget how much suffering there is. I think it would be a Flowers for Algernon situation if I went from being an activist and artist whose personal mission was to eradicate that pain to just another blissfully unaware person. If we forget that others suffer, we stop trying to help them, and I don't want that for myself at all.

SO then I thought, is there anything gross or unpleasant that I wish I could forget? Yes, yes there is. You see my lieblings, awhile ago, my roommate and two of my friends from Mixed Blood unsuspectingly showed up to what we thought was a showcase of local films. What we ended up seeing instead was an indie film entitled Enter the Void.

Enter the Void is NOT a bad movie. It goes on a little too long, but it's done well, it's acted well, and it makes some interesting connections. That being said, there is a very specific scene that will taunt me for the rest of my life. In this scene, the main character is a spirit who's spying on a bunch of his friends while they have sex. Additionally, since dying, the character's spirit has a tendency to go into anything with light. In Enter the Void, the filmmaker's understanding of sex is that when we do the deed, if you will, your genitals glow. So do your partners. I think you know where this is going.

Fast forward to spirit man's best friend and sister in a bedroom situation. Their genitals are glowing, so spirit man heads towards the light. The next scene is the spirit's POV inside of his sister, while his best friend and her are making love. I will never forget this day-glo visual as long as I live. But don't worry, I have not frozen a still of that scene for you, so here's a poster to the movie.

Two in One, Baby!

Welcome to my regular Thursday Thanks column! First things first though, and I have a photo challenge due! Today's challenge is letting the world know what your favorite television show is via photograph. SO here is a picture of the cast of Modern Family, my current sitcom of choice:




Now that that's done, here is my list of all the beautiful things that I am thankful for this week:

*The opportunity to introduce new and old friends on my home turf*
*Dollar drink nights*
*Cold press coffee and chai*
*Free tickets to the taping of America's Got Talent*
*My own adventurous spirit*
*Hints of spring, and the humbling reminder that there are things I can not control; like the weather*
*Easy ways to donate what I'm able to help in Japan, or save the animals, or whatever my cause du jour is*
*Inspiring movies like Milk, which re-light the fire on my inner activist*
*Afternoons spent wandering in NE Minneapolis AND Afternoons spent peacefully reading in coffee shops*
*The book Transforming a Rape Culture. I still have 1/3 of it left to read but already it is completely changing the way I perceive media violence and certainly the way I process it*
*Thunderstorms*
*Texts from family members*
*My very, very wonderful friends Anne and Ginger who are doing a MUCH deserved month-long birthday celebration that I really wish I was able to be there for*

Thus concludes my blogging for the days. Until next time, I wish you peace, passion, and love.

Day 2: Someone you used to be close with.

This is one of the photo challenges that I had some issues with. I didn't want to get all emo and stupid about people who have hurt me, changed their minds about being friends, etc., nor did I want to call anyone on their BS over the internet. C'mon, we aren't twelve. Then I found this photo. This photo features a bunch of friends from my second college (and yes, we DID photo-shop ourselves into the Last Supper. Thanks for asking!) and realized that as a unit, we've all grown apart but there has been virtually no drama about it. I think they are all wonderful people, and am still close with some of them. We just aren't quite the circle of bff's that we used to be. Life happens, and people grow apart. This picture brings back a flood of good memories though, and makes me smile.

30 Day Photo Challenge

Hey Gang!

So, there's a 30 day photo challenge running around that I've been debating doing. There are a lot of negative things on the list; 'things I hate,' etc. so I was unsure. I really hate dwelling on negativity. But it seems fun, and I can use those ones to raise awareness about things that I hate. Here are the challenges, should you decided you want to do it:

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you used to be close with.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the silliest things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of your favorite night .
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your favorite day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss


So here is today's picture of me, followed by my fifteen facts:




1) I am currently addicted to iced chai...even moreso than usual.
2) I cut out soda in January and don't even miss it.
3) My feelings get hurt really easily, but you'll probably never know you hurt me.
4) I am unabashedly in love with Maggie Gyllenhaal.
5) Some of my favorite artists are virtually unknown poets and photographers on Deviantart and Modernmet.
6) I am always in the mood to redecorate or rearrange my apartment.
7) I love the Twin Cities, but I really miss the ocean being a drivable distance away.
8) I love theatre, but if being a drag queen were at all feasible, I would change paths in a heartbeat.
9) I feel the closest to nature, a higher power, and myself during thunderstorms.
10) I might laugh along at parties, but jokes degrading women, gay people, colored minorities, or disabled people (or anyone for that matter) really, really bother me.
11) I love everything about record players and vinyl records.
12) My greatest wish (beyond the standard world peace, end to poverty, etc.) is for the people in my life who don't realize how amazing they are to realize it.
13) If you are ever unsure of what to buy me for a holiday (or just because), the answer is almost always books, earrings, candles, or incense.
14 I don't care very much about material posessions, but if I could have a house in the Twin Cities, a house in San Francisco, a house in Paris, and a house in New Zealand, I would be so happy, all the time.
15) The exact locations of the four houses described above change with my mood.

My Chi-Town Diary

This past week I had several days off from work and had finished a round of projects but hadn't started the others yet. What's a girl chock full o' whimsy to do? Turns out, the answer is borderline spontaneous travel to Chicago with three of her favorite people. We really didn't have a plan other than "have fun" and "laugh a lot," both of which were achieved. We left Tuesday morning at 8:00 A.M. The people going were Carolyn-student, Sam-musician, and me and Manny-theatre folk and general artists. Needless to say 8:00 A.M. is not normally our friend, but we thought we'd give it a go. I knew it was going to be a ridiculous day when Sam runs into my bedroom at 7:40 asking if we were there yet, which inexplicably sent me into a fit of laughter. After a seven hour car ride we arrived in Chicago, or more specifically, Elk Grove Village where our hotel was. We were all four cramming into one room, so we didn't spend a lot of time there. That evening however, we did take a few moments to slightly unpack, get used to not being in the car, and order in a deep dish pizza (total vegan fail, I know; but I'm still in stage three, so it's okay) to really get us in a Chicago state of mind. It was absolutely delicious, but we were determined not to let a food coma hit us. Carolyn and I changed and then the four of us headed to the closest L stop (the O'Hare airport) with the intention to hit up Boystown.

Boystown is one of the main reasons we decided on Chicago for our travel plans. I was fascinated by the idea of an entire section of the city run by queer folk, and not just a block here and there. Boystown ended up being quite good to us; that first night, I wanted to check out a stray lesbian bar, so we went to one I'd heard about. They were playing decent music but it was kind of dead, so once a friend that lives in Chicago met us there, we headed out on foot to Roscoe's. Roscoe's was one of my must-do's in the city because of its legendary status in the gay community. We definitely were not disappointed; It was still early in the night, so it was a little slow but they had a really roomy dance floor and delicious drinks (including energy drinks for those who don’t drink alcohol), so we were happy. The dance floor was completely empty at first too, which meant that Sam and I could swing dance all we wanted to club music, and no one would be annoyed. After a bit, we headed across the street to Cocktail because we'd noticed on the way to Roscoe's that they were doing karoake. I liked Roscoe's a lot, but Cocktail was my favorite club. We walked in and there was an exotic male dancer, which was obviously totally lost on me (the rest of my party was pretty stoked, though). I ushered us back to the karaoke part and we spent a few hours there dancing, signing ourselves and each other up for songs, and really chatting up the bartender, Karaoke MC and obvious regulars. With acknowledgement that this may sound overly self-assured I feel that I should tell you that our performance and presence at Cocktail were a huge hit! They were very kind to us, let us sing lots...and kept asking us to stay if we went to leave! At one point the bartender said to me "Girl, put that coat on, you're not leaving before my song". It was so fun! Even places that I regularly patronize in the cities do not seem that enthralled with my friends or me. There was a drag show at Roscoe's, so we did eventually head back over there. We only caught a couple of performances when it hit us: We. Were. Exhausted. This meant time to head back to the L Stop, but since it was so late everything was different! I was so grateful that Kassie, our friend who lives in Chicago, was there to lead the way, and we got back safely and soundly.

Sleep didn’t really happen that night, in part because we woke up to the couple next door screaming at each other, and in part because we were all so excited! The next morning we somehow managed to roll out of bed barely in time to meet a friend for breakfast. Seriously, barely. As in, he showed up in our hotel room while we were getting ready. So we hurried and chatted and ran to a nearby fast food chain for breakfast sandwiches. We had a great time, but he had to leave. We had decided to spend the day downtown, with the eventual goals of hitting up Millennium Park and the Chicago Cultural Center.

Our train ride always took about an hour each way, so we knew once we headed out, we were gone for a significant period of time. At one point we did get a little confused about which bus or train to take, so we took a break for Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and donuts. Their coffee is the best cheap coffee ever, and I don’t care what anyone has to say about it! We did eventually figure it all out, and headed for downtown with our bellies nice and full of toasted almond or raspberry coffee and maple-frosted donuts. We spent a very leisurely afternoon shopping, walking along the river, and doing Millennium Park. Everything was so beautiful and charming! I really didn’t know what to expect from Chicago, but I was very taken. The architecture alone is breathtaking, and with the river and Lake Michigan right there it was a complete artist’s dream.



After we got our fill of Millennium Park we jumped across the street to the Chicago Cultural Center. They were about to close so we only really had time for one exhibit; but it was amazing. It was on Violence, Women, and Art and contained everything from statements about American Mainstream Media to poignant, striking photography symbolic of genital mutilation. We all laughed in some places and welled up in others. It was a very enriching experience, and one I’m glad that we shared together. As we were heading out I caught some pictures of the Tiffany Dome as well as the gilded staircases. I was a little behind the others due to my shutterbugness, but when I caught up with them they had discovered that the Queer Film Society of Chicago was screening a documentary about GLBT history and culture in Chicago. We decided to stay for that, and I’m really glad we did. I think leaving time for spontaneity is so important to your travel plans. I could’ve regimented out this trip, but we wouldn’t have walked along the river, we wouldn’t have ordered pizza in, and we certainly wouldn’t have gotten to see Queerborn and Perversion and talk with the filmmaker.

Carolyn was worn out after that, so she headed back to the hotel while Manny, Sam, and I headed back to Boystown. I was famished so we ended up popping into four or five different places looking for food. It was actually really fun, like a survey course of Boystown bars and grills. Eventually I landed at Nookie’s, a rare food-centric staple in the area. I had one of the best veggie burgers of my life, and then we headed to Hydrate for an AMAZING Drag Revue. We actually stationed ourselves there for the evening, and each of us ended up entranced by at least one queen.

I don’t even remember getting back to the hotel that night. We somehow found the subway alone, and I vaguely remember falling asleep on Sam’s lap during the ride. I honestly hadn’t had a drop of alcohol that night either, I was just so full of life and culture…and I slept so poorly the night before that I could barely function. Get to the hotel I did though, and was out like a light until late the next morning. We had to head back a little early because of commitments from a couple of members of my party, but that doesn’t mean we stopped having fun. In fact, we concluded that trip in a way that I believe all trips should conclude; with Rent and Wicked sing-alongs.



Wishing you and yours peace, passion, and love.

An Article I Thought I'd Hate

Recently, Gala Darling (who I adore) posted a link entitled "How to Be Skinny." My judgement face took over, and I expected a bunch of b.s. diet and exercise tips that do not take personality, time, health factors or genetics into account. I should've known better, Gala is very life-affirming, but still, you read a title like that...what would you think? So I'm all militant and ready to punch someone, and then I read one of the best bulletpoint lists for healthy living that I've ever read. It does include a couple of diet tips but they are very basic, and ones you hear every day. Beyond that the article is about being kind and being happy-two things I can definitely get behind. Here's the article! It's a really quick read, so enjoy on a break at work or before you dive into your next project.

Peace, passion, and love.

Thursday Thankfulness; Major Teaser Alert.

This week, two of my favorite gay men and my favorite bi friend decided to take a mini "gaycation" to Chicago, IL to explore the art, food, and of course Boystown. I'd never been and I had the time off from work, so I figured why the hell not? We had an absolute blast, and I promise a travel diary is coming in the next couple of days. I just got back tonight, absolutely exhausted but fairly fulfilled too and still decided to catch up with a friend at one of my favorite Minneapolis hot spots. SO, I apologize for the delay, but here are my "Things I'm Thankful for" this Thursday.

~Public transit. How lucky are we who live in an area with fairly reliable public transit?! Seriously, your car won't start, or you don't have a car and missed your other bus. Never fear! Another one is coming along soon....

~My cat! I try so hard not to stick him in this column every week, but today I came home and he was so excited to see me, and it just feels really affirming to receive the unconditional love that pets give.

~Chicago. And everywhere I went. More on this later.

~The Kitty Cat Klub in Minneapolis. Homey, hip, and hippie-ish all at the same time.

~Temp jobs! I have a new one starting on April 4th doing some administration/marketing for a great theatre company. I know I'm a horrific tease for not telling you more, but I promise that there will be details later.

~Flavored vodka. You can take the girl out of the small town, but...

~Kate Bornstein's Gender Outlaw. I read a lot of books, a lot. If I included them all on my blog, nothing else would ever be talked about. This book really opened my eyes about gender, sexuality, and perception...and I considered myself pretty knowledgeable before.

~Gadfly's new website!

~Compliments. Feel free to lavish.

~The super cute cast of Suburban Redux. Details pending on THIS as well.

~Wasabi-coated green peas. Don't knock it 'til you try it, my lieblings.

~Expanding your circle. I know I talk a lot about cutting people out, keeping things simple...and I still believe that 100%. But once your personal herd is culled, there is nothing more satisfying than letting new (but equally satisfying) things and people in.

~That painful-but-contented soreness in your legs and feet after exploring new territory on foot all day.

~Play by Play Bookstore. There are few things I love more than books. Two of them are coffee and theatre. CEO Kelly Schaub is a genius.

I think that's enough for this week, but as usual, I am quite ecstatic that there are countless other things for me to be grateful for. I love you all reading this, for starters. Hope your lists for the week are plentiful.

Peace, passion, and love.

New Gadfly Manifesto, Website, and (Soon) More!

La Casa de Gadfly has been hard-at-work the past couple of days; in addition to gearing up for Suburban Redux auditions and getting some preliminary PR done, I asked my friend Alex Franzen-copywriter extraordinaire, to help me hammer out a new mission statement in exchange for a pretty spot-on tarot reading I'd given her a while back. She went above and beyond the call and managed to make a whole new manifesto out of my scattered, discombobulated thoughts, hopes, and passions. I thought she did a sensational job, so I unveiled it on our brand spank new website (found here!) and published THAT, and now am here writing about both on my personal blog! We've also picked part of the manifesto as our slogan:


There are no small voices, only small minds.

Your interest is now piqued, yes? Well, I suppose I can share the entire manifesto with you now:

We shout the unspeakable + present the unpopular ...
The Queer. The Querulous. The uncomfortable Questions.

We pair ancient texts with rising talents,
And aspiring creatives with established icons.

There are no small roles, only small actors.
There are no small voices, only small minds.

We're building a playground for
the Obscure,
the Oppressed,
and the unapologetically Original.

Bring your best. Do your worst.
Create a catastrophe. Make it cathartic.

We invite you to be Dangerous, onstage & off,
To share your story, as only you can,
With liberty and justice for arts.


So there you go, my darling fans of Gadfly, myself, and art in general. New website and manifesto to take in whilst my business partner decides who the very best cast would be for Suburban Redux. (Believe me, I'm every bit as on edge as you are).

Hope you all spent the weekend following your peace, passion, and love.

The Audition Process: Things I Never Believed As An Actor

When I first went to college,I thought I was going to be the next great plus-sized actress. I was on a mission, and no one could stop me! After two colleges, countless shows, crappy jobs, and less-than internships/apprenticeships, my desires shifted a little. I still love acting, and venture out to auditions occasionally. There are even a few "some day" Gadfly shows that I plan on sticking myself in. Acting is emotionally and creatively fulfilling, and I always have a blast. At some point my focuses shifted though. I fell in love with so many other things, including running a company, activism, directing, and producing-all which led to the beginning of Gadfly. I've been thinking a lot about my days as a 'hard core' actor with auditions for Suburban Redux coming up, and comparing it to how different the experience is. There were things that as an actor, I never believed about directors and producers. I spent so much time trying to be the absolute best, that a lot of times, I lost my "voice" as an actor and/or personality. It's so important to be the best YOU at auditions, and not the best actor. Here are some of the things people tried to tell me about my own auditions that I just wouldn't listen to.

1) It's not personal. Not even a little bit. If you are a working actor, you are probably talented enough to be one. Not being cast has exceedingly, exceedingly little to do with not being talented, or even not being talented enough. I have had to turn away countless actors due to height, age, chemistry with other actors, vocal qualities that they can not help, etc. etc. Casting is a lot like a puzzle. In fact, I've even sat down with the headshots and tried putting various 'pieces' together until it all made sense. If you aren't cast in something, it means that you weren't right for that part, that time. I can count on my fingers alone the number of actors I've turned away because I didn't think they were talented or ready for a certain role. Among those, over half of them I thought had raw talent and just weren't ready.

2) The producer and director aren't there to judge you; in fact, we WANT you to be good. If we sat there ready to judge and tear apart every audition, how would we ever cast a show?

3) There's more to it than talent. I don't want people to walk away from this blog entry thinking that how good they are doesn't matter. Notice I HAVE not cast people because they weren't good...it's just that if you are a working actor with any degree of success, you are probably good enough. Auditioners are expected to be good. Period. The only way to guarantee a role, is to make sure that you can play every age, every race, every height, have excellent chemistry with every actor of every gender, and seem like a good match for every company's mission and every show's vision. In other words...it's not possible. Those things I mentioned in number one and just reiterated now...they will cost you roles. Sorry. But guess what? They will also get your roles. So basically, know yourself; your strengths, weaknesses, and abilities. Play them up. As an actor, I thought showing any weakness or that I recognized weakness was going to cost me. Instead, lack of acknowledgement that I was plus-sized/the age I was/not always comfortable around men/etc. cost me, not that the fact that I was those things. A director who really likes you can and will find a place for you with those things in mind, eventually, if it's clear to them that you are aware and willing to work with or around them.

4) Know the show. Know the company. As much as possible. Suburban Redux is a U.S. premiere, obviously we don't expect everyone to know it inside and out and ask perfectly insightful questions. We DO expect you to ask questions prior to auditions, about the company, the show, the playwright, the other auditions, etc. etc. It shows you care, AND there's the obvious factor: if you know more about the show, your acting will be better. You will also save yourself time and trouble if it turns out you aren't a good match for the company or the show. Would I audition for a classic Nativity play at a fundamentalist-Christian performance center? Hell no. Would I audition for Raisin in the Sun? As much as I love the show, I wouldn't waste everybody's time...including my own.

5) Be honest. No one is going to judge you for not working for the past year, being a natural redhead, or never having a lead. At least, no one that you'd want to work for. So be honest. On your resume, in any post-audition interviews, in the initial contact for the audition.

6) Confidence is key. Why would I cast someone who appears like they would shake like a leaf under pressure?

Without jumping in and giving unsolicited acting tips (which I still may do one day), this is my advice. It comes from a director-actor, who until she became a director, never believed a word of this.

Peace, passion, and love.

Thursday Thanks; Now With Puppets!

We live in such a crazy world, and I live such a crazy life. It's easy to get swept up, to let your exhaustion make you bitter or your righteous bitterness make you exhausted. I have probably allowed myself to succumb this week, more than I should. More than anyone should, arguably. But I promised myself a long time ago that I was devoted to living a life in which I followed only peace, passion, and love, and for that reason, even in crappy weeks, I bring you weekly reminders that there are always things to be grateful for. This week I am grateful for:

*Getting to hear Avenue Q songs at work for the next few months (hence the puppets...)*

*Meeting friends of friends...who turn out to be awesome*

*Pay-what-you-can nights of theatre*

*My friends Anne and Ginger, who I know are here for me no matter how far apart we all choose to live*

*Friends who let me whine non-stop on days I'm not feeling so peaceful*

*Dating; even when it doesn't go so smoothly, it's really nice to get out there*

*Birthday gifts-TO MYSELF. Thanks me! I always know exactly what I like, too. So I am thanking myself specifically for an unnecessary but awesome new batch of DVDs, necessary but adorable computer and camera bags, and my upcoming trip to Chicago with three of my favorite people*

*Which leads into this: having friends who I can say 'Hey let's go on a trip with less than a week's notice' to which they respond 'Hell yeah!'*

*Supporters of Gadfly*

*AND knowing that the first three hours of our next auditions are booked solid*

*How much better I feel as a photographer when I make myself take pictures every day, even if it's seemingly of nothing*

*RuPaul's Drag Race and Pretty Little Liars...because everybody needs some ridiculous, GLBT friendly-but still not good escapism now and again*

*Pretzels. Nom. And still healthy!*

*The hilarious and ridiculous things that I overhear Minnesotans say to each other*

*Giant cans of Trader Joe's organic, fair-trade coffee that cost less than a normal canister*

*Good plays. I tell ya, you read enough bad ones, the Eve Enslers and Steven Karams of the world look even better!*

*The vampire wearing a Hanson shirt during Buffy season 6. It just made me laugh*

*The Sassy Gay Friend. He also just makes me laugh; but that's important!*

*International Women's Day and Month. What a wonderful celebration of simultaneous strength and feminity*

That's me for the week! If you have a moment, take stock of your life and really breathe in the things you are most thankful for; whether it's silly t.v., someone you love, or anything in between!

Peace, passion, and love.

Home, Sweet, Home.

This blog is one part shameless photography self-promotion and one part 'as wonderlusty as I get, DAMN I love the Twin Cities." Seen above are some of the best pics (in my own opinion) that I feel I've taken this winter of Minnesota in it's glory.

International Women's Day

For most of my life I didn't even know there was an International Women's Day. Hell, for most of my life I didn't even know what feminism was. I knew that I had female role models that I saw as almost untouchably strong, and I knew that most of the people I admired were strong women (or really great artists, but that's neither here nor there). As I got older, a lot of my education and reading really started sinking in and I now proudly own my brand of feminism.

As such, International Women's Day has a profound affect on me. I don't think that women should celebrate in the traditional way-with booze, cake, and questionable mixed company. Those can certainly be parts of your day, but the best way to honor the women who paved the way (and are still working their asses too pave the way, because face it, it ain't 100% equal yet! Far from it!) is by being awesome. Work hard at your job. Continue harvesting those quality relationships of any gender. Dress to impress yourself, no one else. Love yourself. This is what the women who lived, worked, loved, and died so that you could do even better for yourself really want; to know that it was worth it.

In addition to turning up my already fairly high awesome factor a few notches, I also plan on meditating on the triumphs, loves, and lives of the women I admire, so feel free to take a few minutes of the day to be the same; remember though, that what they want, what they worked so hard for, was for you to try to pull their strength and power into yourself.

Feel free to share some of your "power women" that make you inspire you to work harder, accomplish something, and love yourself. Mine include but are absolutely not limited too Eleanor Roosevelt, Eve Ensler, Joan of Arc, and a handful of real-life women. More on that later :)

Peace, passion, and love.

Intention is Everything.

Confession: While many of you may have gathered this, I read a lot of blogs. Probably too many. I have narrowed it down to the ones that touch me the deepest, inspire me the most, or crack me the hell up. However, I've read so many that by now, many even amazing entries have little to no affect on me; there may be a few helpful hints, but nothing that makes me choke on my coffee. Until now.

Danielle LaPorte writes about self-actualization, self-love, and sometimes just writing and speaking. I always enjoy her blog, but this morning, this article DID make me choke on my coffee, and shook something inside of me that I think I've been trying to get too on my own...but didn't quite make it.

Peace, passion, and love.

National Women's History Month

There's a lot of anti-feminism in the news as of late, and it's been driving me batty. I don't want to use my blog as a political platform, and I don't want to be grumpy on the internet. Still, there are certain organizations, often organized by women themselves, that would like us to forget that this is National Women's History Month, that deny that women are still struggling to be recognized as equals, and who think feminists are the cause of their own unhappiness. It's enough to make me scream. Luckily, I stumbled upon this amazing website, ACTUALLY donated to Women's History Month. It's poignant, interactive, and my new obsession. There are profiles of everyone from some of the world's most famous women to the grandmother's of people you've never heard of. The best part? You can add your own story/your mother's story/your grandmother's story/etc./etc. Click here to honor the pioneering and influential women of yesterday and today.

Okay, I Want to Be My Own Best Friend...But How?

I got some really good feedback from my blog post about being your own best friend, which made me super happy. A lot of people said it hit close to home, which makes me even happier! My blog audience right now, is mostly friends and family so a lot of feedback comes to me in texts and IM's, or personal e-mails/Facebook/etc. One thing even a lot of people close to me said was that they wanted more a) of that type of blog, and b) ways to really drill self-love into their heads and lives. It mostly comes down to taking care of yourself and then giving yourself treats; much like you would a close friend or spouse. Here are some of the best ways I show my mind, body, and spirit how much I love them. Some of them are treats, some are daily 'taking care of yourself' stuffs. You can probably figure out which is which.

~Travel. My wanderlust, by far, causes me to spend the most money. I love it so much though, and it not only feeds my soul to travel...but I believe everyone should travel and take vacations frequently because I FIRMLY think that it makes you smarter and more well-rounded to experience new and different things. So it's not a completely extravagant or frivolous thing; regardless of your field, you will be inspired every single time you travel. At least you will be if you pay attention.

~Cook elaborate and healthy meals, even if you're the only one eating. I used to be really bad about this, but now one of my favorite things to do is figure out a super-healthy, borderline-macrobiotic meal and make a ludicrous amount. It usually feeds me for a couple of days (esp. when supplemented with snacks), and my body is happy. My spirit is also happy, as it usually is when I'm taking good care of myself.

~Keep up with basic hygiene. This sounds so 'duh', but you'd be surprised how many people get busy and slack off (admittedly, including myself sometimes). I take about an hour every morning, and about half an hour before I go to bed, that is totally devoted to grooming myself and making myself feel beautiful and making sure my skin/teeth/hair/nails/etc. are healthy.

~Work hard. Whether it's your day job, your passion, or a pet project, keeping up with deadlines and pushing yourself to go even further adds up in every way possible; financially, spiritually, and mentally you will thank yourself.

~Play harder. Time with your friends is important. So party it up, laugh a lot, do really silly things that no one understands. Enjoy your life. You only get one. (Please use common sense and do not allow this to interfere with your work or health; but DO remember what Mr. Stephen King said about all work and no play...).

~Make even your 'wasted' time fruitful by doing/watching/reading/spending time with only the people and things that you really, really love and feel content when doing so.

~Be a good friend and a good person (cough, cough, without being a pushover, cough, cough). Karma. It's real.

~With that last one in your head...still know when to say no. Again, it's about narrowing things down to only what's most important to you. You should go to your best friend's birthday party no matter what, but please for the love of whatever god you believe in, skip your work-friend's sister's co-worker's baby shower. Seriously. And do not compensate by buying this near-stranger a present.

~Honor your religion. I don't mean to isolate atheists and agnostics, in fact, this includes you too! Whatever you believe in (even nothing), spend time each day meditating/praying/reading up on what you believe/etc. I get really, really lazy about this, but I try to pray AND meditate every day and I always feel so much more in tune with myself and the world around me when I do.

~Don't spend money you don't have too. I am really not in a position to give ANYONE financial advice, but I think I've been better lately. There are common sense things that people let get away from them; if you have groceries and it's not a special occasion, don't go out to eat. If you aren't positive you'll like a movie, don't buy it. I personally don't drink when I go out unless it's Happy Hour or some special at the place. I don't buy things until I'm actually out of them....there is a complete flip-side to this though, and that's being (intelligently) generous with your money. THIS INCLUDES GENEROSITY TO YOURSELF. I have really amazing friends that give me rides places; I almost never have to take the bus. As a result, I frequently fill up their tanks even when I probably don't have too. If their tank is near full, I try to bring treats. Gratitude AND generosity. As for myself? Again, common sense but it's hard practice to get into. I often think to myself: Do I REALLY want to go to a coffee shop, or do I want to put that five bucks in my fund for a trip or a (substantial) treat? If you spend less money, you will have more TOO spend when it matters.

~Whoever said "If it isn't beautiful or useful, throw it out" was 100% correct. Don't buy anything you're not in love with or in need of. Don't keep anything you've fallen out of love/need with. Sell it and pocket the cash. Give it to charity. Organize a clothing/book/DVD/Home Furnishing swap with your pals. All three will make you feel much better than hanging on to it.

~Love your alone time. Before I started on my journey of self-love I hated being along for any length of time. I could entertain myself sure, but I felt like I was missing out on major things by not being with people 24/7. After falling in love with myself, I LOVE my alone time! I am still extroverted to a fault, I admit...but quiet time to read/write/play with the cat/dance to old school Madonna albums (I mean...what?)/etc. makes me fly. For reals.

~Don't let negative people bring you down. There is no trick to this...just stop doing it. I am so empathetic, I understand how hard it is. There comes a point when enough is enough and you have to look out for number one.

~Listen to your body. I am becoming a huge advocate for taking care of your body. I am completely changing my diet and lifestyle to a happier, healthier one. Guess what? It's not just about weight gain or loss. You can feel when your body is content. Are you tired all the time? Is your skin rough for no reason? Is your hair brittle? Are you sometimes sore for no reason? Guess what? Time to listen to those clues, buck up, and reevaluate some things.

~But...give in to occasional vices. I tell you, there is nothing like going completely off refined sugar for a while and then giving in to that chocolate craving. Your body won't mind if it's regulated yourself, and you will feel delightfully naughty :)

~This largely goes with the "listen to your body" part, but seriously, drink water. You probably aren't drinking enough, and a lot of those body cues I mentioned will get a little better with that alone.

~Tell those you love that you love them often. This includes yourself. It sounds weird, but I often remind myself of my good qualities, my improving qualities, and just straight-up tell myself that I love myself. If you feel too silly or just can't remember to do it...sneak it in places. My phone says "Love Yourself" when you turn it on now. The mirror I use to do my make-up in the morning says "You are awesome" in the corner, and the front page of my journal says "This belongs to a wonderful woman who loves many, who sees that love reciprocated, and is beautiful." You can also try not being so modest about your good qualities in conversation with others. That shy, low self-esteemy thing might've worked for you as an adolescent...but much like those pictures of you doing body shots off your grandma's houseboy, it's not so cute when you're trying to establish a career, harness a posse of worthy companions, or settle down with the love of your life. One thing I've never actually done, but have heard of other confident but silly (in a good way) people do is get a stack of those name tags that say "Hi, I'm _____" and putting good qualities or affirming statements in the blank. I doubt I'd try it on my own, but I've thought about doing it for guests at parties before

SO, hopefully this will keep you busy finding love for yourself for awhile. I could write entire blog entries about each segment of these, but decided to do this for now. Hope to hear wonderful, positive things about yourselves from each of you soon.

Wishing you peace, love, and passion.

Time for Thursday Thanks!

Hello Blog-o-sphere! This week in Minnesota we got a peek at spring, and it was wonderful! The weather of the past couple of days (although not nights, where it got bitterly cold and felt like ice was stabbing my feet) deserves it's own edition of Thursday Thanks...but it's not going to get it. My blog, my rules, weatherperson. I did think it was worth mentioning before diving into OTHER things I was thankful for though. Too much other fun/sweet/etc. stuff happened this week that made me grateful for a number of things. They include:

~The generosity of other Twin Cities artists. Whether it's introducing me to other artists, or letting me use space, I really feel like I live in an artistic community, and that feels pretty great!

~Finding $100 boots made with ZERO animal products for only $10.

~Getting positive feedback on The Children's Hour.

~Dollar drink night.

~That I live in a country with (comparably) clean, drinkable water.

~Play by Play Bookstore, and the events that the shop owner does for free.

~Tax refunds. I will defend paying taxes to the death (call me crazy, but I like to know that when Minnesota dumps snow all over the roads, that it's going to get cleared off; and that my buses are going to run frequently enough so that I don't have to go everywhere an hour OR MORE early; and that if I ever have children, their education will be decent without me having to pay a ridiculous amount for private school) but it is still always such a relief to get that refund check back.

~Fajitas! Nom.

~Late night IMs with my very good friend Sam after I've enjoyed dollar drink night to it's fullest.

~Bad photography. Why lie, it just makes me feel better about myself when I see someone who charges more than me publish unintentionally blurry, out of focus, or even just lame photos.

~Meeting other, young theatre entrepreneurs and getting along smashingly!

~Eve Ensler. Seriously, I'm obsessed right now. She can't do enough, quick enough, because I'm blowing through everything she's ever done at the speed of light.

~Love. So much love in my life, I often overlook it. Love for myself, love for those around me, that love reciprocated. love, love, love.

~The website Snark Valley, where I can relive my old Sweet Valley High novels without actually having to read them in their terribleness. (Although, I got a say, when the ten-years-later issue comes out later this month, I am snatching that bad boy up and not even caring about the looks I get).

~YOU for caring enough about me and my life to read this blog every couple of days...and enjoy it :)

Wishing you and yours peace, love, and passion. For yourself, for others, for the world around you.

Dogs Are Great, Being Your OWN Best Friend is Better

I was introduced to the concept of radical self-love by a blogger I found just googling random things named Gala Darling. I was unsure of the blog at first, because I am not quite a fashionista, more of the bohemian love child of 1960's counterculture and Old Hollywood (if you think that sounds to ridiculous to be true, I assure you it is...both ridiculous and true). After reading through a few of her "top articles" though, I was hooked. Gala spoke of loving yourself as if it were 100% attainable and downright easy, and after reading enough of her site (as well as many, many sites that she links too frequently), I started to agree with her.

I started on my own radical self-love journey for obvious reasons, and it's something I spend a lot of time thinking about. A lot has come of it, and my main thought that I want to leave my own blog following with is this:

Think about the people you love the most in the world. Now think about what you want for them. Do you want them to work neverending static jobs that they'll hate? Do you want them to constantly give in to vices, eat terribly, let people take advantage of them, and waste tons of time? Everyone loves their own in different ways, but I'm guessing not. I'm guessing you want them to lead the sort of lives that will make them happy, keep them healthy, and allow only quality people in. Now, if you are someone that loves people this selflessly you are obviously capable and deserving of the same love you put out. So why aren't you treating yourself the way you would treat your lover, your best friend, or your closest sibling?

Additionally, self-trust is an issue that often (and should) go hand-in-hand with self-love but it is the piece of the puzzle that I have seen cause the most conflict for the most people (myself included). If you think that cute cashier has a good aura and has been checking you out (UGH, no pun intended), then you're probably right. Flirt back. If you have a feeling that your current job is unsatisfying and there's something better and more suited for yourself out there, then you're probably right. If you think that friend that comes over, eats your food, and then leaves is untrustworthy, you're probably right. Think about it in terms of people you love again, if you have trouble discerning between your gut and just being angry/annoyed. If your best friend had another friend that constantly came over, ate their food, and left, what would you tell them? If your husband/wife/etc. came home from work miserable and exhausted instead of fulfilled and invigorated, what would you want them to do? If your cute, sassy, single sibling had a crush on that cashier, what would you do? Then remember that you are every bit as worthy of happiness as those around you, and go for it.

There is no good reason not to love yourself, and loving yourself goes beyond feeling competent. It means you gain five pounds and decide to have fun with A-Lines instead of starving yourself. It means leaving any situation or person leaving you unfulfilled or unhappy in the dust. It means not doubting that others around you love you, ever. Everyone has low self-esteem sometimes, do you think in the case of your favorite person that their low moments are justified? Probably not. So it stands to reason, that probably, neither are yours.

Coming soon will be some tips for loving yourself (ones I came up with myself, anything another blogger/writer/psychoanalyst posts I would just link too) and what that means for life.

Today, even more than other days, I am wishing you peace, passion, and love.