Okay, I Want to Be My Own Best Friend...But How?

I got some really good feedback from my blog post about being your own best friend, which made me super happy. A lot of people said it hit close to home, which makes me even happier! My blog audience right now, is mostly friends and family so a lot of feedback comes to me in texts and IM's, or personal e-mails/Facebook/etc. One thing even a lot of people close to me said was that they wanted more a) of that type of blog, and b) ways to really drill self-love into their heads and lives. It mostly comes down to taking care of yourself and then giving yourself treats; much like you would a close friend or spouse. Here are some of the best ways I show my mind, body, and spirit how much I love them. Some of them are treats, some are daily 'taking care of yourself' stuffs. You can probably figure out which is which.

~Travel. My wanderlust, by far, causes me to spend the most money. I love it so much though, and it not only feeds my soul to travel...but I believe everyone should travel and take vacations frequently because I FIRMLY think that it makes you smarter and more well-rounded to experience new and different things. So it's not a completely extravagant or frivolous thing; regardless of your field, you will be inspired every single time you travel. At least you will be if you pay attention.

~Cook elaborate and healthy meals, even if you're the only one eating. I used to be really bad about this, but now one of my favorite things to do is figure out a super-healthy, borderline-macrobiotic meal and make a ludicrous amount. It usually feeds me for a couple of days (esp. when supplemented with snacks), and my body is happy. My spirit is also happy, as it usually is when I'm taking good care of myself.

~Keep up with basic hygiene. This sounds so 'duh', but you'd be surprised how many people get busy and slack off (admittedly, including myself sometimes). I take about an hour every morning, and about half an hour before I go to bed, that is totally devoted to grooming myself and making myself feel beautiful and making sure my skin/teeth/hair/nails/etc. are healthy.

~Work hard. Whether it's your day job, your passion, or a pet project, keeping up with deadlines and pushing yourself to go even further adds up in every way possible; financially, spiritually, and mentally you will thank yourself.

~Play harder. Time with your friends is important. So party it up, laugh a lot, do really silly things that no one understands. Enjoy your life. You only get one. (Please use common sense and do not allow this to interfere with your work or health; but DO remember what Mr. Stephen King said about all work and no play...).

~Make even your 'wasted' time fruitful by doing/watching/reading/spending time with only the people and things that you really, really love and feel content when doing so.

~Be a good friend and a good person (cough, cough, without being a pushover, cough, cough). Karma. It's real.

~With that last one in your head...still know when to say no. Again, it's about narrowing things down to only what's most important to you. You should go to your best friend's birthday party no matter what, but please for the love of whatever god you believe in, skip your work-friend's sister's co-worker's baby shower. Seriously. And do not compensate by buying this near-stranger a present.

~Honor your religion. I don't mean to isolate atheists and agnostics, in fact, this includes you too! Whatever you believe in (even nothing), spend time each day meditating/praying/reading up on what you believe/etc. I get really, really lazy about this, but I try to pray AND meditate every day and I always feel so much more in tune with myself and the world around me when I do.

~Don't spend money you don't have too. I am really not in a position to give ANYONE financial advice, but I think I've been better lately. There are common sense things that people let get away from them; if you have groceries and it's not a special occasion, don't go out to eat. If you aren't positive you'll like a movie, don't buy it. I personally don't drink when I go out unless it's Happy Hour or some special at the place. I don't buy things until I'm actually out of them....there is a complete flip-side to this though, and that's being (intelligently) generous with your money. THIS INCLUDES GENEROSITY TO YOURSELF. I have really amazing friends that give me rides places; I almost never have to take the bus. As a result, I frequently fill up their tanks even when I probably don't have too. If their tank is near full, I try to bring treats. Gratitude AND generosity. As for myself? Again, common sense but it's hard practice to get into. I often think to myself: Do I REALLY want to go to a coffee shop, or do I want to put that five bucks in my fund for a trip or a (substantial) treat? If you spend less money, you will have more TOO spend when it matters.

~Whoever said "If it isn't beautiful or useful, throw it out" was 100% correct. Don't buy anything you're not in love with or in need of. Don't keep anything you've fallen out of love/need with. Sell it and pocket the cash. Give it to charity. Organize a clothing/book/DVD/Home Furnishing swap with your pals. All three will make you feel much better than hanging on to it.

~Love your alone time. Before I started on my journey of self-love I hated being along for any length of time. I could entertain myself sure, but I felt like I was missing out on major things by not being with people 24/7. After falling in love with myself, I LOVE my alone time! I am still extroverted to a fault, I admit...but quiet time to read/write/play with the cat/dance to old school Madonna albums (I mean...what?)/etc. makes me fly. For reals.

~Don't let negative people bring you down. There is no trick to this...just stop doing it. I am so empathetic, I understand how hard it is. There comes a point when enough is enough and you have to look out for number one.

~Listen to your body. I am becoming a huge advocate for taking care of your body. I am completely changing my diet and lifestyle to a happier, healthier one. Guess what? It's not just about weight gain or loss. You can feel when your body is content. Are you tired all the time? Is your skin rough for no reason? Is your hair brittle? Are you sometimes sore for no reason? Guess what? Time to listen to those clues, buck up, and reevaluate some things.

~But...give in to occasional vices. I tell you, there is nothing like going completely off refined sugar for a while and then giving in to that chocolate craving. Your body won't mind if it's regulated yourself, and you will feel delightfully naughty :)

~This largely goes with the "listen to your body" part, but seriously, drink water. You probably aren't drinking enough, and a lot of those body cues I mentioned will get a little better with that alone.

~Tell those you love that you love them often. This includes yourself. It sounds weird, but I often remind myself of my good qualities, my improving qualities, and just straight-up tell myself that I love myself. If you feel too silly or just can't remember to do it...sneak it in places. My phone says "Love Yourself" when you turn it on now. The mirror I use to do my make-up in the morning says "You are awesome" in the corner, and the front page of my journal says "This belongs to a wonderful woman who loves many, who sees that love reciprocated, and is beautiful." You can also try not being so modest about your good qualities in conversation with others. That shy, low self-esteemy thing might've worked for you as an adolescent...but much like those pictures of you doing body shots off your grandma's houseboy, it's not so cute when you're trying to establish a career, harness a posse of worthy companions, or settle down with the love of your life. One thing I've never actually done, but have heard of other confident but silly (in a good way) people do is get a stack of those name tags that say "Hi, I'm _____" and putting good qualities or affirming statements in the blank. I doubt I'd try it on my own, but I've thought about doing it for guests at parties before

SO, hopefully this will keep you busy finding love for yourself for awhile. I could write entire blog entries about each segment of these, but decided to do this for now. Hope to hear wonderful, positive things about yourselves from each of you soon.

Wishing you peace, love, and passion.